บท ๑๔ กวาง! Lesson #14 Gwang!

Mr. A

When you are driving through the forest, watch out there are plenty of กวาง

Mrs. A

Never come between a baby กวาง and its mother.

Mr. A

Don’t ever fuck with กวาง

Mrs. A

กวาง fuck you up.

Mr. A

กวาง bite your ankles; ankles no longer beautiful.

Mrs. A

กวาง lick your wrist, calendar on watch stop working.

Mr. A

Forget about synching phone, Ipod.

Mrs. A

Computer never see ipod again.

Mr. A

กวาง fuck you up. Fuck you up like there’s no tomorrow.

Mrs. A

กวาง own bed and breakfast at intersection of shit creek and world of hurt

Mr. A

กวาง laugh at flamethrower. Chortle at spear gun

Mrs. A

Mess with กวาง you will live to regret it, but not much longer

Mr. A

กวาง on you like ugly and white on ugly albino ape with skin problems

Mrs. A

กวาง ask around, find out where you live. Do nothing for a while. Then, one day, wake up with son’s balls in your mouth, lips sewn to your Grandpa’s anus. Feed Grandpa hot chili pepper, tacks and liquid plumber.

Mr. A

Grandpa dead, กวาง find granduncle, or person of similar weight and build

Mrs. A

กวาง know all about genealogy and extended relations. กวาง go through database like running through field.

Mr. A

กวาง can wait. Not doing so well this year? Wait till next year. Wait until portfolio recovers and you work out long term career and general life plan. Then just after you buy furniture, กวาง find you on facebook.

Mrs. A

กวาง know you like food stall, kill vendor. กวาง know you like restaurant, burn restaurant down. กวาง see you rent Ocean’s 11 kill George Clooney and Julia Roberts. Dig up Frank Sinatra. Shit in hole. Kill Matt Damon for free.

Mr. A

กวาง know you look at กวาง, next thing you know, credit score ruined.

Mrs. A

Never own own house. Forget about small business loan.

Mr. A

กวาง eat junkyard dog for breakfast. Shit wolverines for an hour.

Mrs. A

Wolverines shit tiny red spiders. Tiny red spiders burn down church and eat orphans.

Mr. A

กวาง rape your eyes with fork from food court. กวาง rape parts of you never raped before. กวาง rip out your heart and rape it, make liver and kidneys watch.

Mrs. A

They tried to do “Animal Planet” on กวาง. Network cannot show two and half hours of host begging for sweet release of death.

Mr. A

กวาง kick you so hard in balls ontogeny recapitulate phylogeny. Also balls fly up throat, backwards through time, explode in brain of distant ancestor.

Mrs. A

กวาง here to kick ass and chew gum. Gum not invented yet.

Mr. A

Don't ever mess with กวาง

Mrs. A

Don't even talk about it


Questions

• Why are you messing with กวาง ?
• You want to die, or what?
• Do you know what's good for you/what's comin'?

Exercise

Example : Question: Do you know who am I talking to? Answer: A fucking dead man.

• What am I looking at?
• You know what you are?
• Allow me to introduce Bruce. Bruce this is _ ______ ___ ___.