Monday, September 6, 2010

Off the Ole Wagon Bourbon Reviews

Ole Lonesome Nail

This one will punch you in the gut and give you two black eyes. One in the heart and one in the dick. Highly recommended.

Ol' Copper Kettle

Is one mean hornery copperhead, with lean blue eyes, sensual lips and a temper like an ammo wagon on fire. Thighs, hard from riding that will squeeze the life out of you. Yet light and fast as a bird. Hands that could play the piano or drive nails without a hammer. I hope you find me one day and put a bullet in me, Red.

Old Painted Beaver

This one is a real trip out to the woodshed: it will take down your britches, bring tears to your eyes and teach you what it is to be a man, namely to suffer pain and the ignominy of having survived and chosen to go on living. Turns your guts to a mass of scar tissue like a stone. So you can do what needs to be done, and done stone drunk.

Comes in a paint can, usually dented.

Old Dead Man

There’s a smile in every glass of this. It’s not a pretty smile. Not a drink that starts fights, or remembers it that way.

A good driving and punching the baby whisky.

Available in pails or buckets, because keeping it around is bad for the physical infrastructure of the house.

Old Rope

Old Rope is a standby favorite. It’s basically gallows humor in a convenient easy to throw bottle. Great for a first fight, or when moments of caution are confounding an otherwise spontaneous act of incest or getting through Faulkner.

Old Foggy Dog

Basically a dirty limerick looking for a rhyme for "stabbed in the leg." Not completely effective as a liquid blanket, but more effective than tearing at that locked screen door. When clean underwear is a distant memory that belongs to other people.

They’s some things they can’t never take away from you, boy. And that’s all them rotten things you’ve done.

Ol' Old Old

Each shot is sweet smoky fugue state with haunting images. Am I alive, or dead, or yet to be? That straight razor, who’s that for? Successfully blurs the line between murder and suicide but usually keeps them in the right order.

Another old standby. Oh hell, they all are.

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