MELVINWow. Sure is a lot of old junk in this garage. Old timey stuff. Lots of glamor photos, posters, costumes. Medals and awards. I wonder if they're worth anything?
RICH, BUT WEARY, CRACKED ORSON WELLES SOUNDING VOICEWho's there? I can't see you. I can't hear you. But I know you're there.
MELVINHey mister, sorry. I thought all this stuff was abandoned. They're tearing this place down, you know? Hey, you live here mister? In this old garage?
VOICEWho says I'm alive?
I'm a ghost.
MELVINHa ha. You're not really a ghost, are you mister?
VOICECome closer. I'm right in front of you. Lift up the curtain you see draped in front of you.
MELVINWhat I don't see anything. Just a dirty old aquarium.
VOICECome up to the glass
MELVINHoly Jeezus! It's a disembodied brain in a tank!
THE “SINGING” BRAIN (for it is he)Nice to meet you, too.
MELVINIs this a trick?
BRAINYeah, it's a trick. The cruelest trick ever played. What's your name, son?
BRAINMelvin, you seem like a nice kid. How would you like to make a little money. A lot of money, actually.
MELVINWell that's kind of you to offer, sir. What sort of thing do I have to do?
BRAINWell, son, it may not look it, but I'm actually rich -quite rich. I'm probably the richest brain you'll ever meet. I was famous, too -but that was a long time ago.
You've stumbled into a treasure cave, into my tomb.
MELVINI'm sorry about that, sir.
BRAINOh don't worry about it kid, it's not that kind of story. It's a good kind of story, a fairy tale.
I'm a genie in a bottle -and I'll grant you three wishes, if you let me out.
MELVINUh, gee sir, I don't know.
BRAINC'mon kid. I'm not the devil. The devil doesn't live in a dusty old goldfish bowl off the 101. How about money? How would you like more money than you could spend in a lifetime? Or do all the rich kids nowadays go crawling around old storage sheds for kicks?
MELVINHeh, well sure, I'd like to be rich
BRAINHow about cars? You like cars? Check out that roadster under the tarp.
MELVINWhoah. I never seen a car like that. Even in space.
BRAINThey didn't make a lot of them. Just one for me and one for Batman. How about a penthouse? Houses, mansions, hotels –all over the world.
MELVINAh, well, you gotta be pulling my leg...
Look at my face, Melvin. Does this face look like it makes a lot of jokes? I don't have any use for any of these things. They're all yours for the taking. I just need a little favor from you. One little favor.
MELVINUh, yes, sir. What would that be now?
|FAKE BRAIN as THE SINGING BRAIN in RKO's Citizen Brain|
NARRATORFame! Fortune! Science gone horribly wrong and love gone horribly right!
This is the true story that your parents never dared talk about! And now it can be told!
CITIZEN BRAIN: THE SINGING BRAIN STORY
NARRATORHollywood, land of dreams with too much make up. The Singing Brain is hanging with the “Splat Pack” a group of Tinseltown's most unique and differently configured and instantiated stars: Candyman Homunculus, Dino the dipso dinosaur, Handsome Johnny the "One-Headed" Detective, Kuato, Joey Bishop and Robby the Robot.
BISHOPWhat can we pour on you, Brain?
BRAINWhatever Rocket Fuel Robby's pissing out -and keep 'em coming
CANDYMAN HOMONCULUSHey Roberto, how 'bout some cigs, too?
HANDSOME JOHNNY THE "ONE HEADED" DETECTIVEWe outta nuts down here
DINOI'm gonna need some skins for later
KUATO...and two hardboiled eggs
DINODon't forget the skins, now. Milady be waiting.
ROBBYYOU GUYS: WHAT WOULD YOU EVER DO WITHOUT ME?
DINOWell, I'd just do what I usually do: tape two hotel garbage bags together and tie 'em on: BECAUSE I'M A FUCK-ING DI-NO-SAUR!
|Robby checks out his co-star Anne Francis with typical robot subtlety|
NARRATORThe story of a living, passionate brain that fights!
BRAINI'm not afraid of you, Bowser. Go ahead. Punch a man with glasses.
BOWSEROw! I broke my hand!
BRAINAnd there's plenty more where that came from, bub.
NARRATORA brain that seduces!
MANDYI'm so sorry Mr. Foster! I just can't go on. When I think of the people listening, I just want to die. Oh, it's so silly! I must be crazy!
BRAINThat doesn't sound silly to me, Mandy. I know how you feel. Even after all these shows, I feel the same way each time I go on. I guess you could say we're a couple of -headcases.
MANDYHa ha! -Is it okay to laugh?
BRAINFor you, Mandy? Yes, you can laugh at my jokes.
MANDYOh, Mr. Foster. If I didn't know better, I'd say
BRAINSay what, Mandy?
MANDYThat you were flirting with me.
BRAINOh come on, Mandy. You can see right through me.
MANDYHa ha! Oh, Mr. Foster!
BRAINCharles, please. And if I were flirting with you?
MANDYWell, -Charles. I should think I'd be blushing up to my ears.
BRAINAnd are you, Mandy?
BRAINYou know, Mandy, when it comes to head cases, I'm something of an expert. I'd like to help you with your feelings of anxiety. I'd like to help you relax.
MANDYI'll do anything you say, Charles. I trust you.
BRAINI want you to relax. Imagine you're in a peaceful place. Where are you?
MANDYUm, in a peaceful place?
BRAINWell, okay. Good.
NARRATORA brain that loves!
BRAINI love you, Amanda. Body and soul. The soul is a picture of the human body and this is all I am.
MANDYI love you. I want you. I need you.
BRAINThere's just one thing, my love. Promise me, please promise me
MANDYWhat, my love?
BRAINThat when the time comes you'll let me go, really let me go. If you can't -well, it's better that we never met.
NARRATORThat fights for love!
BRAINI'm more of a man than you'll ever be. A man's body is weak, it betrays him. His heart beats with fear, his guts desert him. His eyes stray and so does his affections.
I cannot see, hear, touch or feel. Amanda is my whole world. I love this woman with all that I am and I'll die to protect her.
NARRATORFor the first time in history a hero whose brawn is all brain!
BRAINAnd so we can see, gentlemen, that zero is an even number.
Oh, and one more thing Professor?
Is this your card?
NARRATORAnd whose brain is all brawn!
MANDYCharles! We're going too fast!
BRAINI like it fast, baby. Faster than I can think.
NARRATORA tale of intrigue and espionage that is all true! Travel with the spy in the glass case as he jets from the Riviera to Siberia -and beyond!
CAPTAIN RUPPELTWe need you back at the Cape, Major.
BRAINIf this is about the low Earth orbit zoo you guys are starting, count me out. My agent says no animal acts.
CAPTAIN SNEIDERWe understand that, Major. We just need your insight on something. A situation.
CAPTAIN RUPPELTThere's trouble on the high side, sir.
BRAINWhat are you guys on about? Vanguard? So what if the Soviets are first again? I hear that space is a big place.
CAPTAIN SNEIDERThere's something up there already, sir.
BRAINOh? Anyone I know?
CAPTAIN RUPPELTNo, sir, not one of ours.
BRAINWhat, another Russian dog?
CAPTAIN RUPPELTNot one of theirs either, sir.
CAPTAIN SNEIDERSomething Dr. Von Braun said you and Dr. Fermi used to talk about together. After hours. You follow us, Major?
BRAINYou got a plane ready at the base? I'm taking my own car. You boys try and keep up, now.
NARRATORThis brain is far out! Way out in a cerebral high paced thriller whose thrills are all cerebrum!
MARCONIYou're smart, brain, I'll give you that. But did it ever cross that big brain of yours that someone might not like what you're doing and might do something about it?
BRAINNot really. I thought about it, but I couldn't think of anyone that stupid. You know anybody, Marconi?
MARCONII'd like it if it crossed your mind, Brain. In one side and out the other!
[Shots and ricochets]
BOWSERBoss, the glass, the glass! The bullets bounced right off!
BRAINGo ahead, Marconi. You're still loaded. Try again. This time try to put a bullet in my heart. You know where my heart is? It's that pump you see before you. You can hear it. It brings blood with oxygen to keep me alive. Shoot that pump. Watch me die through the glass. Go ahead. Even a screw-up like you can't miss at this range.
MARCONIDie, you canned bastard.
BRAINArgh! Finally, I die.
BOWSERWhat do we do now, boss?
MARCONIWe throw the gun in the tank. Everybody knows the brain wanted to die. It'll look like suicide.
INSPECTOR SLAINYHold it right there, boys. Hands up.
BOWSERCheese it! The cops! And police!
MARCONIWell, at least we got the goldfish
BRAINYou are one dumb meatball, Marconi
MARCONIYou're still alive? I shot you in the heart!
BRAINWho told you I have a heart? I've no heart. I have a pump. Two of them, in fact. Man, you guys are dumb. Have one of the older boys at Sing-Sing show you how to hold a hammer without hurting yourselves
Oh Brain! -I mean, Charles -I was so worried
It's all right dear -nothing a little Windex can't handle
Oh god! When they shot you Charles, I thought I'd die!
Oh Mandy, I'm tougher than a glass of water. You know that.
I'm sorry I don't mean to make such a fuss and be so emotional. It's just that I just learned -well, I'm pregnant, Charles. I'm going to have your baby.
I know, Amanda, I know.
What the hell! If that doesn't creep you out a little, it probably should! How can Mandy be pregnant by the man in the tank? What about other details that seem unclear? Find out in SON OF THE SINGING BRAIN.